What Makes or Breaks Friendships? A Relationship Expert’s Opinion
Friendships are often described as life’s hidden treasure. They offer support during difficult moments, celebrate our victories, and make everyday experiences more meaningful. Yet for many people, friendships can also be surprisingly complicated.
A recent survey by Newsweek’s The Good Life found that nearly one in three readers consider friendships the most difficult relationship to manage. That finding may seem surprising at first, but it reflects a growing challenge facing many adults today.
Loneliness remains a major concern across society. According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, roughly one in three American adults reports feeling lonely. The issue is not always a lack of people in their lives. More often, it is a lack of meaningful connection.
Psychiatrist and relationship expert Dr. Laura Dabney believes the quality of friendships matters far more than the number of friends a person has. Her insights help explain why some friendships thrive for decades while others quietly fade away.
Lasting Friendships Require More Than Time
Silver / Pexels / Many people assume that strong friendships happen naturally. During childhood and early adulthood, that feels true.
Friends see each other regularly through school, work, or shared activities. Connection happens almost automatically.
As life becomes busier, those ‘built-in opportunities’ begin to disappear. Careers demand attention. Romantic relationships become priorities. Children, mortgages, and aging parents add new responsibilities. Suddenly, maintaining friendships takes effort.
Dr. Laura Dabney explains that this shift often becomes noticeable around age 30. Friends who once spent hours together each week may go months without seeing each other. The friendship itself has not necessarily weakened, but the circumstances have changed.
So, what keeps a friendship alive is not constant contact. It is the ability to reconnect in meaningful ways. People sometimes wait until a friendship feels close before reaching out. According to Dr. Dabney, that approach gets things backward. The strongest friendships are built on consistent connection. They do not require daily conversations, but they do require intention.
The Real Secret Behind Deep Friendships
Dr. Laura Dabney argues that loneliness often stems from a lack of intimacy rather than a lack of social interaction. Someone can have dozens of acquaintances and still feel disconnected.
Real friendship involves trust, vulnerability, and emotional honesty. It means sharing thoughts, fears, successes, and disappointments without feeling judged. Those moments create a sense of belonging that casual relationships cannot provide.
Many people focus heavily on expanding their social circle. While meeting new people has value, deeper friendships usually come from strengthening existing relationships.
That requires openness. Friends who communicate honestly tend to build stronger bonds because they create space for genuine understanding. Surface-level conversations rarely produce the same level of connection.
How Friendships Slowly Begin to Fade
Engin / Pexels / Friendships do not end with a major argument or a clear breaking point. Instead, they often fade quietly over time.
One of the first signs appears in communication patterns. Messages become shorter. Replies arrive later. Plans remain vague and rarely move forward. These small shifts may seem harmless at first, but they can reveal growing emotional distance.
Dr. Laura Dabney notes that these behavioral changes often reflect deeper issues beneath the surface. People may feel less connected, less invested, or simply be moving in different directions.
Personal growth can also influence friendships. As people evolve, their interests, priorities, and values sometimes change. A friendship that felt perfect during one stage of life may no longer fit years later.
However, this does not necessarily mean anyone has done something wrong. Sometimes people simply outgrow relationships that once served an important purpose. Accepting that reality can be difficult. Society often celebrates lifelong friendships, but not every friendship is meant to last forever.